Back Outside II: The Bureau of Positive Self Talk
03/31/2025
Back Outside II: The Bureau of Positive Self Talk
The Bureau of Positive Self sounds to me like something out of pre-revolution Russia. However, I sort of like it. I think I will adopt it as my modus operandi. I have the Russian Revolution on my brain. Not because I am a socialist at heart or because I am some type of radical. More so because when you have spent the last five months listening to the revolutions podcast and you are on Season 10, Episode 70, it registers on the brain.
The Revolution Podcast is fantastic. It is done by the same guy who did the History of Rome Podcast which was my first podcast I ever listened too. Really it is great. Maybe don’t binge it straight through or you will also start referring to you dog as Comrade or Robespierre.
Also, when you are out on a 2:15 minute LDSR ride in granny gear, you might also start asking yourself questions like would my dog have hung out with Krupskaya or would she have been hanging out with Spiridonova. I mean the fact that my dog is a socialist I have no doubt. She believes everything is to be shared. My time. My space. My sleep. My snacks. My meals, especially my meals. So, do I think she would have gone out and marched with the socialist, well yes because she would pretty much go out and walk with anyone. These are the thing that cross my brain when I am out riding around Bloomington in granny gear. Well, that and why does Trotsky look like my six-grade math teacher. Maybe Stalin didn’t get him in the head with a hatchite in Mexico and he ended up teaching math in Terre Haute.
These things were really the only thing on my mind. The other thing on my mind was the Bureau of Positive Self Talk. Which really if any of you (Clayton) know how to find out if a URL is available and want to procure it for me, I would take this one.
I thought up the bureau as I was riding around on the bike trails of Bloomington. I made a random choice when I left on my bike yesterday that when I got to Fairfax, I was going to the right not the left. Then I went to That Road. I shit you know That Roads name, is really That Road and went left and jumped on the Clear Creek trail where I would spend most of the next hour and half peddling around.
I noticed how much better I felt on the bike when I spoke kindly to myself. When I let go of any need to ride faster or slower. To not worry if my jersey was too tight (you can make your own choice below and if you think it is to tight keep your opinion to yourself).
I started to get excited about changing the narrative. I started to think it would be cool to open a positive dialogue. Not only with myself but with others. I started to tell everyone hello I road by. The people working out, I told them great job. I really was trying to create a positive atmosphere for me and for them.
So many of the thing we want in live just need to start with kind words to ourselves. The area I struggle the most with on positive self-talk is around my body image and my eating. It doesn’t matter home many pounds I lose or subsequently gain back. If I don’t feel good about myself after years of making myself and letting others make me feel bad about how I am and how I look, it is all for not.
I made some radical changes in my approach to my body image and how I go about trying to obtain change. First, I abolished the scale. It is out. I mean it is still sitting in my closet. However, I am abstaining from using it. I think the next step might be to remove it from the equation, however, I am using it to weigh my shorts before and after I get out of the box to see how much water I need to drink post box. However, I might move that a different scale b/c the reading are really getting me the information I need and the Lycra shorts don’t weight enough, so maybe a kitchen scale would be good for that.
I am not longer writing down what I eat. Rather, I am writing down the feels and urges when I snack and when I sit down for meals. Or at least on the second part I am going to start doing that. I want to know why I am eating, not really what I am eating. I eat pretty good. My dinners come from a company called factor, I recommend them if you want variety in your diet and want healthy meals but don’t have time to cook. Also, for me who has some time to cook, isn’t going to make extravagant meals for one.
My focus is on the mental state. Once I clean and understand the mental state, then the rest will fall in place. I will eat when my body tells me it needs fuel. I will fuel my body to climb mountains. I will embrace the inner child who was told not to eat, and snacking was bad, and who needed guidance not a diet, that it is all ok. I will help him walk the journey to a positive place. I believe that pathway is through the bureau of positive self-talk.
This is all the stuff the formulated in my head yesterday as I granny geared through 18 miles of trails in Bloomington, In. I also decided who is and who is not eligible for this Bureau. The people that aren’t. People on the trails who are too stuck-up to say high, or wave to you when you wave at them. People in cars who have dogs hanging out the window and their dogs start barking at cyclist and almost run them off the road because they didn’t give the cyclist the three feet he is required by law. Children. They just don’t have a filter. They are little people with human brains that haven’t learned the laws of polite society. So, if you ever want to feel fat while you are working out, ride by a child. They will most likely be hey look at that fat guy on the bike. Is that what I heard, or what I felt? I tease of course, I try to say hi to everyone and encourage everyone, but why do some people have such stick up their butts and really that women had so much road to drive on, but she got so close, and her dog barked right in my ear. I mean if you know your dog barks int eh back seat, don’t drive close to a cyclist. I know my dog doesn’t bark at anything in the back seat. She just wind surfs. So, be kind to others that are around you. Stupid lady, I was so close to going off in the ditch, I will still be picking briers out of my ass I bet.
This week we are going to try to feed the positive. We are going to really try to starve that Monkey on our back. We are feeling better already.
Oh, and it was a fantastic ride! I saw my eye doctor on the trail. I was so happy to see someone I knew on the trail. It is good to start recognizing folks in my surroundings!
One more thing that was rattling around in my head yesterday because there was a video on Instagram of Dual of Fates ending (Maul v Kenobi Episode I) set to Enter Sandman from Metallica. I am not the biggest Metallica fan in the world. I like them. One is the greatest song. However, the other thing rattling around in my head yesterday was a ling from Enter Sandman… And never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet, and in your head. Epic! It somehow fits with that big ole monkey I carry around on my back, because it formed in my head.
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