Under 300—More Than Just a Number

 

Saturday May 2, 2026:

It was probably the most nerve-racking drive to a WW meeting I’ve ever had. I’ve made that trip in the late ’80s, again in the ’90s, the 2000s, the 2010s—and now the 2020s—but I don’t think I’ve ever felt nervous.  I was not nervous when I went in August of last year for the first time in a long time, I said I was going and I went.  

I kept telling myself that it didn't matter, it was just a number.  I kept telling myself that my self worth wouldn't change regardless of the out come.  It didn't and it hasn't.  However, even as I told myself it was just a number on a scale and weight was a fickle thing that can hinge of so many things besides just what you eat.  We are talking sleep, mood, what you drink, when you drank it, restroom breaks and regularity, it all goes into the end result.  There was a nervous tension in my car and no matter how much I tried to lose myself in the podcast I was playing, my mind was thinking about a number on a scale.  I was seeking it.  I have been seeking it for year and on this morning every thought was bent on it Finally, achieving it, crossing the line from 300 to under 300 and as much as I want to say it is just another number it wasn't.  

I have flirted with 300 three times in the last 25 years.  The first time was 2003, I got down to 306 on WW.  I loved WW, that summer to me is still magical.  So many good memories.  It was like I was ready and found my stride.  However, I was not ready.  

Go back on this very blog to June of 2022 the link is below and read about the rise fall and rise of operation 309.  I got close again, i got to 309, but, I lost my way.  It was not about overall health, it was about proving something to others.  It was about being better than what other said I should be. Whatever, the reason, was it was and I didn't get there, instead I did a b-line for 400.  I caught myself at 394 and I said we aren't doing this again.  I started getting back into my groove and at 375, I needed to find a community of like minded people to help me, and I found WW again.  

 https://dreamingofalifelessordinary.blogspot.com/2022/06/the-rise-and-fall-and-rise-of-operation.html

Then there was April 25, 2026 weigh in.  I was on the phone with my Mom the week before and I said Mom if I lose one more pound I will be under 300 for the first time in 25+ years.  So, I went to the weigh in two weeks ago.  No expectations, no agenda, and I lost, I lost exactly 0.08 lbs and it put me right on the cusp, right at 300.  It was one of things you couldn't be mad about and even though there was that part of me who thinks of myself as Ka-Mai (you know Ka's Fool or Destiny's fool) who wanted to do a pity party for myself, I embraced it.  My mind doesn't work that way anymore.  

So, we are in the car, we are driving to the WW.  We are scared.  We want to believe.  However, we know weight loss can be fickle.  You have ups sometimes when you expect downs, and you have downs when you have no idea how that happened.  It is part of the issue with weight loss.  It is so much more than food, and being good or bad.  

That doesn't change things.  It doesn't change that you want something.  That you have worked for it and in some cases you have worked for it for over 25 years.  So, I can say it is just a number.  That in the end it doesn't really mean anything, but it did.  It is more than a number, it is a commitment to a a lifestyle of positivity, gratitude, exercise, and living.  

So, yes, I went into the rest room and made sure I didn't have to go when I got to WW.  I took off everything I could.  Bite guard, watch, chain, shoes, hat, and glasses.  I had to weight in line and I had nervous energy burning off me. I did a few squats and stretched out my back.  Then it was my turn.

I wanted to leave.  I didn't want to be there anymore. I love going to my WW meeting every Saturday morning, but for the first time ever, I wanted to be anywhere but on at that meeting getting ready to get on that scale.  I mean after all it is just a number right.  Right. 

There was nothing for it though.  I was here.  I was getting on that scale.  So, I did, and I was shocked when I was down 2.6 pounds, and well... I had done it.  I was under 300 for the first time in as long as I can remember.  I didn't laugh, I didn't cry, I just was.  It is not the goal but the journey.  The journey of me started a long time ago.  The weight loss started December 26, 2020 b/c I started the Day after covid Christmas.  The mind work started well before that and is an ongoing.  Getting under 300 is neither the beginning or the end, it is just part of it.  A stop on the path of beam, on the journey to my tower. I just can't sit here and say it is just another number, because it isn't, it means something to me.  It means I am on the path and I am walking it.