Dreaming of a Life Less Ordinary

It comes in three’s They say it.   We always say it.   Even if we do not then we think it.   I knew yesterday when I got the text the third was like a storm cloud on the horizon.   It was out there slowly making its way towards me.   Creeping along.   All the positive vibes from a strong Friday that shown good fortune on my company couldn’t put off the ominous text message from Mom, that called the ever so rare family meeting to order.   I had endured the first as bad news of being overlooked and uninvited to an event that I would have thought to been considered for.   The second was when the one that I had loved for so long married another.   Two things that in hindsight being 20/20 and all seem to be not so bad, but they were at the time.   The third I found out this a.m. and it is a dagger to the heart.   Mom has Multiple Myeloma.   The same cancer her mother passed from and her brother had, so 20 years ago.   I just sat on the phone and listened and heard it all.   To

Tonight, dinner was Ice Cream.   Not too much, not too little, just the right amount.   Today was another rollercoaster of emotions.   It had all the makings of a day that I would come apart at the wheels.   However, sometimes, life will surprise you.   I can’t say I got passed over.   I didn’t.   I can’t say that I was overlooked, but in theory, I was not.   However, on the same morning that I had to listen to historical death of the greatest of all Romans, Caesar Augustus, I was still feeling sad and small from the day before.   I am glad I will see my therapist on Monday because we have lots to talk about.   For all the things I have been inconsistent with seeing her, I never miss.   I am keeping a leg on the ground of my health.   Anyway, even not being passed over, and not being overlooked it was hard not to feel that way.   I wasn’t included in something I didn’t even want to be included in, but not being asked greatly upset me.   It did make me feel like I felt

I didn’t eat all the pizza. Not even close. As a matter of fact I logged it it all and stayed under my calories for the day (I don't live and die by a calorie count, but I have been logging everything just to see what it is I eat. Accordingly to MyfitnessPal, in trying to lose 2 lbs per week, I should eat around 3300 calories, that seems like a lot to me, but it is a target not a hard and fast rule, I eat what I want when I want, so no worries there), even w indulging in some halo top. It felt good to know even when low I could feel my body say ok. Enough pizza. Enough bread. Let’s do something sweet and go to bed. It might not have been Augustus conquering Antony i(and yes I know that all of Augustus' true conquests were really Agrippa's but hey they were boys and family, so all in the family right) that but it was a win for me. I am finding hope in these small little victories. In being intuitive when I least expect to be. I’m still upset. Im sadder than I’ve been in a lo

I’m having pizza tonight and bread sticks. Not bc I didn’t have time to cook. I did but bc I’m up set.  I’m up set that things aren’t going as planned or is it that? Perhaps it’s going just as I expected. Right now I’m feeling like I can get lost in this world and no one would ever miss me. You know nobody likes me, everyone hates me, I guess I will just eat fried worms. I feel insignificant and unwanted. Perhaps it’s like they say life just ain’t fair. Hard work, setting boundaries, and trying to take care of yourself don’t mean shit if you don’t lick the boots.  I’m just feel really small right now. Very sad. Very alone.

Rest in Peace Hefty Lefty! I won’t sit here and lie and tell you a was a Jerad Lorenzen fan. I wasn’t. As a matter of fact I disliked him, greatly because he was born on the wrong side of the Ohio River. I’ve never made my dislike of Kentucky a secret. Whether it be one corrupt basketball coach after corrupt basketball coach, the fact they believe the movie Deliverance is a live story, the love of a horse race with stupid hats, the simple fact a girl from their once broke my heart, or inbreeding, if Lannisport was in the US there is no doubt it would be in Kentucky. I didn’t root against Lorenzen but I never cheered for him either.  Perhaps I should have, we should have been brothers and in a lot of ways we were. So I am not sure why when I went to ESPN yesterday and saw that he had gone to the clearing at the end of the path why it hit me so hard. Other than the fact that he died from heart related complications due to morbid obesity.   It seems like the player they refer