Day 5 - Holidate

 

Holidate

Starring: Emma Roberts, Luke Bracey, Kristen Chenoweth, and Jessica Capshaw

Director: John Whitesell

Screenplay: Tiffany Paulsen

Streaming: Netflix

Spoilers: Maybe a few, but will try to limit it

 

 

This is the American Pie of Holiday movies.  I know, I know you are going to say that is Bad Santa but let’s be honest Bad Santa is a mean-spirited movie, and I don’t like it, not even one little bit.  Within the first 5 minutes you know you are on a one-way trip to Raunchy Town and you were going to hit on every inappropriate stop on that train.  I must admit I was loving every minute of it.  If you don’t like Holiday movies, I don’t care watch this movie for the sheer tom foolery this takes you on.  If you don’t find yourself laughing out loud a handful of times then you sense of humor is dog shit, go get some therapy deal with you repressed issues then watch it again. 

 

My sister told me she tried to watch this with her two daughters, and they shut if off within the first five minutes and now I understand why.  I wat telling my Mom about it today and I kept telling her I don’t think this is the Christmas movie for you, but she kept saying she was going to check it out.  Sorry, I brought it up Mom.   I think you are going to put this right there with Sausage Fest.  The only difference is I thought this movie was hilarious and I thought Sausage Fest was dog shit.  Seriously, that movie was a fucking train wreck and just like with a train wreck you wanted to look away, but you couldn’t.  You couldn’t believe that a movie could be made that was so fucking terrible.  Let us not go on to many tangents here today.  Like have I ever told you that when I hear the word tangent, I think of monkeys running.  Well not really monkeys but apes.   When I hear the word co-tangent, I think of apes running backwards.  See, I can get lost in my own freaking paragraph and go off on several apes running.

 

Emma Roberts was brilliant in this movie.  I have no idea if I have seen her in anything else, but Eric Robert at least did something good for once bring her into this world.  I really had no idea Emma Roberts was Julia’s niece.  Crazy.  I love connections like that.  Anyway, regardless of who her family is, she was great in this movie.  The right parts bitch, crazy, sweet and cute.  I found myself being very sweet on her by the end of the flick. 

 

Now Luke Bracey made me laugh and I found him very likeable as well. I know I had recognized him from somewhere.  I wish I could just have said it was his stint as Cobra Commander in GI Joe Retaliation and his terrible line “Destro… you’re out of the band.”  However, Luke is guilty of much worse dialogue than this, and while I never saw the Point Break remake, I will never be able to get the line out of my head “I believe that like me, the people behind these robberies are extreme athletes”.  Who the fuck talks like that?  Seriously, you are presenting to the heads of the FBI and you have to show them how big your dick is, and whip out I am an extreme athlete.  What is wrong with you.  That line is burned into my head and every time I have thought about watching the train wreck that was the remake of one of the greatest movies of all time that is what we get.  Shame on you Luke Bracey, just shame on you for uttering such nonsense.  You couldn’t hold Keanu jock strap.  Oh no, I feeling the hate coming on now, however Luke did enough good work in Holidate for me to keep the hate away and give him props.  He was funny and I think he did well in this movie.  Although I won’t be looking up Luke Bracey movies to watch in the future.  “like me, the people behind these robberies are extreme athletes.” You monkey fucker.

 

Behind all the raunch there is a pretty good Holiday story hiding in there as well.  The formula plays out as you expect, they always do in Holiday movies because again that is really point isn’t it.  Boy meets girl.  Girl meets boy.  They do there best to not fall for each other.  Chaos of lives surrounds them.  The feelings start.  Things spin out of control and once again it is up to Christmas to save us. 

 

I think this movie is super fun.  I think it is hilarious and well worth the time.  Totally recommend it. 

 

On the holiday cheer meter, I am going to give it a 7.5 out of 10.  Now those boobs on IMDb are calling it 6.1 but I think most people are idiots and expect to much out of our holiday Movies.  The real kicker is on Rotten Tomatoes we are looking at a 41%, ouch that has to hurt.  Damn everyone has to be a fucking critic.  This gets a fucking 41% and Bad Santa gets a 75% what fuck is wrong with you people.  They make fun of a slow fat kid.  It’s awful.  Come on.  I would recommend this over Bad Santa in a heartbeat and it will make the rotation going forward.