The Mr. Softee Incident

 


Anyone who truly knows me and I mean knows me well, knows that I am an Ice Cream loving Mofo.  We are talking about a guy who lived in The Netherlands for 6 months and averaged a scope of cream a day.  The same guy when I was at my heaviest was eating about two pints (yes you read that correctly) a night.  I love my Ice Cream.  

Since, I have changed my ways and really started taking care of myself in January of 2021.  I have been off the cream, mostly.  I am not longer single handedly keeping Baskin Robbins open in Livermore.  I haven't had Ben and Jerry's in over three years.  While, I do indulge myself with a cone from McDonalds once or twice a week, I am pretty much a reformed user of the cream but it hasn't been easy and let me tell you why.

Livermore is hot in the summer and I work from home.  I have since Covid blessed us with its presence.  So, every Summer since the Dawn of Covid, I have sat at my desk working diligently and every summer afternoon I hear it. 

Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...

On Repeat, blasting at the top volume.  A musical tune that while at first is a little catchy soon drowns on driving one to the limit of their sanity.  It is the call of the pied piper.  A little fishing line trying to draw you in hook, line and sinker.  It is the call of the sirens.  It is the ole Mr. Softee and his gods be damned Ice Cream Man music.  

Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...

After three years of sitting here listening to the call, I broke yesterday.  It was time for me to answer the call.  It was time for me to go see what ole Mr. Softee was all about.  Investigate if you will the wears he was peddling.  There was only one problem, while for three years I have heard this call: Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...  I had never actually seen Mr. Softee himself.  

Things started very primitively.  I walked out of the house in the 98 degree heat and I went to the corner of the street and I looked and listened for Mr. Softee and his siren call: Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... I saw nothing.  I heard but I could not see.  Perhaps, this was just a wicked case of Ice Cream withdraws and my mind was playing a trick on me.  Perhaps there was no Mr. Softee at all and I just wanted cream.  

I was about to give up and go into the house and just say screw it.  Perhaps I would just go later and get me a cone at McDonald's with the Kona.  However, as I walked back into the house, I heard the call again:  Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...  I took a deep breath, I went into the house and grabbed my keys.  I was going to hunt down the Mr. Softee Man and that is what I did. 

I rolled down all my windows and pulled out of the driveway.  Pulled over to the side of the road and listened:  Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...

Then I tried to do my best impersonation of a tracker and I started to hunt the sound.  I went North, the sound went away.  So I went east and I picked it back up:  Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...

I drove a little bit and then the sound was gone.  Perhaps I was crazy.  Perhaps my ice cream loving mind was playing tricks on me.  Then I stopped an I heard it again.  to the East again, it was on the move and so was I.  

I drove for about 10 minutes east, west, north, south.  Hearing the truck, then losing it.  Then hearing it again.  The funny thing is I don't think I really wanted the ice cream all that badly, I think I was just on a quest at this point.  I just had to see the Mr. Softee with my own eyes and say, that yes, I have had it.  So, I kept following the sound and finely on a side street I came face to face with the Mr. Softee truck.  I pulled over, and grabbed my wallet and walked a half block to the man peddling his ice cream and his damned blaring music going over and over: Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...

OMG... I am not sure how that ice cream man is sane.  It would drive me bat shit crazy...  Mr. Softee has quite a selection of different options.  I was surprised by this.  I was also surprised that everything Mr. Softee peddled was 5 bucks.  That is an expensive cone.  However, again I was questing and I had come this far so I was going to get me a $5 cone.  I went with my favorite cone which is the Cherry Dipped cone.  It was not a very big cherry dipped cone for a $5 but it was good.  It was gone before I ever got to my house though.  I think the sign of a good cone is how long it lasts.  Anyway... this is my story, this is The Mr. Softee Incident about a man breaking after haring that god's be damned music for 3 years every day of every summer: 

Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...


Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...


Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun... Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...Dunna nun nanuna nun dunna nun nanuna nun...




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