Kicking and Screaming
After it was done....
One hour and nine minutes is what stood between me and the end of my day. It isn't often that I walk to the bike with such dread. It was a rare occasion. It was not the hard spins that really worried me. The 300 plus watts. No, those, I could push through. It was the 160 watts for 9 minutes. That is what broke me before I ever began. I don't know but I was like I will never be able to keep that up. No way, no how.
I wish I could tell you this is a redemption story. That I am doing all this belly aching and at the end of this you will see how I overcame the obstacle in front of me. It is not. I struggled on the bike yesterday and I struggled exactly where I thought I would struggle on the 9 minute 160 watt spins.
What I am left pondering is how much of this was physical and how much was mental. How big of a hole did a piss poor attitude did to my ride. Maybe some, maybe none. I will never know. However, I was being dragged to this workout kicking and screaming. No doubt about it.
The warm up was good. Although, the Zwift app wasn't happy my cadence was poor. Warm ups are normally pretty good. I did feel tired but not to bad. I powered through with a little help from Quarterback on Netflix. I won't call it a great show, but it does hold my attention. Although as I was warming I kept dreading those 9 minutes spins.
The first 9 minute spin came right on the heels of the warm up. The legs felt like molasses. I think I did ok on that first one. The app most of thought so as well because it gave me a half a star. Not as good as full star but heck we will take what we can get. I was omg I only have three more of these 9 minutes spins to go. Yikes!
On the hills of the 9 minutes was a 300 plus watt 8 second spin. Now this was my kind of spin. A jump out of the saddle and give it all you got, for 8 seconds. I figure you can do just about anything for 8 seconds. Speaking of 8 seconds, did you ever see the movie? Lane Frost Dies. Now I know my younger brother would never read this but he would get a kick out of that really bad joke. Full star for the 8 seconds.
Then came a two minute spin at a much lighter wattage. I think it was like 110 or 125 or something. That was doable. I cranked through and tried to catch my breath and get my HR down a little. Didn't really work but I tried. Got a full star for that spin too.
Then it was back to the 9. Dios Mio. It was brutal. I tried. I pushed. I cussed. The bike. The Neo. Mostly my coach. How on earth was I going through this. I wanted to scream out loud. Some really awful stuff. Simply because I thought it might make me feel better. However, I was working so hard, I think I was too tired to yell. NO STARS! BURKLE PISSED!
Another 8 seconds... Lane Frost still dead, but Billy b not dead and I cranked it out again. I didn't get to the exact wattage asked for, but I was out of my seat and I was working hard. Star! Burkle Pleased.
Another 2 minutes at lower wattage. I was drinking my water and dreading the next spin. However, I kept going and got another star. Billy b happy!
OMG 9 minutes at 160 watts or whatever it was sucks! I hated it. I was back to wanting to cuss out everyone. I was so angry. My legs hurt, I kept going. However, it was a battle I couldn't win. I played with my gears trying to find a rhythm, there was none to be found. Was it pure defeatist attitude? Was it bad sleep? What was it? I don't know. However, there was no star for me, not even a half of one.
Before I could hang my head about the not getting a star, I was out of my seat and pushing as hard as I could for another 8 second blast. I was starting to like these. Billy b got another star.
The next two minutes went well. However, I made the mistake of looking at how much time I had left to go and I think I was closer to 30 minutes than what I thought I would be and I wanted to start crying, howe on Earth was I going to get through that much time. Another star for me!
I ratcheted down the intensity when the next 9 minutes hit. I was spent. It is really hard for me to change the intensity. So I didn't change it that much. However, I endured that last 9 minute set. Like always, I gave her all I had. It wasn't enough. There was not star or half star. However, I know that doesn't mean I wasn't trying. I was. I wasn't just getting to the 9 minute spins and then take off for 9 minutes. I was working hard. Just not as hard as the program demanded. I take solace in that now. Then I was just annoyed and angry.
The last 8 second burst came and went, and I got another star. I really was starting to like standing up on those pedals and banging away on them.
The final 2 minute spin, seemed to last forever, because I was so ready to just be done, but I nailed it and earned another star.
Then ten minute cool down. I can't say it was hard. I can't say it was easy. At that point my ass was telling me to get off the bike. It was sore. I had to stop and stand for a few seconds a couple of times because my rear was not to happy. Overall the cool down is what you would expect, my HR dropping 30 to 40 BPMs and me finishing off my water. It was a long ten minutes though. I was just so ready to be done.
Then it was over. I sat on the couch and took the picture at the top of the screen. Not really sure why. I guess I was hoping it would express some of the exhaustion I felt. I don't think it does, just looks like I am rocking my 13 year old spiked hair cut.
Another workout this a.m. confirmed I am still working the grind. I nice subway protein bowl for lunch is make me full as I sit here and flip between typing and eating. It was a hard spin for me yesterday. Tomorrows will be better. I did already look at it. I think it is more manageable, but I might not feel that way tomorrow :D Either way I am going to go in with a better attitude. I am trying to get better. I am trying to become the cyclist I want to be. Sometimes it is just really hard and sometime we just have off days. No matter what I am going back to the bike tomorrow either willing or maybe still kicking and screaming but no matter what I will come out on the other side better than I am today.
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