Unicorns and Dragons
All I could answer back with was "This is the coolest things I've heard in a long time 💛💛" because it was and it is. Of course what I meant to say was "This is one of the coolest things I've heard in a long time 💛💛". However typos and missed words is one of the charms of reading Billy b. I am a train wreck when it comes to grammar.
This message meant the world to me. It made me feel so much pride. When I stop and think about it I am like Jaws. I do attack things with passion and ferocity. I don't think I would every say that on my own. I don't think of myself that way. Sometimes, you get things and hear things when you need to. I have a couple of obstacles I need to move right now and move them and carry on I will. We are going to put a pin in that for now. As I sit hear writing I am not sure that this is the time or place to go into that.
What is funny to me about this, and when I got the socks, I assumed this was because of my fear of sharks. I assumed that I had told Angela about how the first ten years I lived on the west coast, that I never stepped food in the Pacific because I was afraid a shark would get me. I just naturally assumed that I told her that when I started to do Triathlons that required me to go into the ocean, I had been given nicknames from my friends like Sharkbait and Chum, because of my irrational fear of sharks getting me. Or like those lonely nights in the gym pool when no one else is around and it is dark, and you get that same fear you had as a kid that out of no where and out of the dark of the water a giant shark was going to swoop in and make a meal out of you. I assumed the shark socks were part of the running joke of my fears. Then you get a text message and you realize, holy shit, this is a message, not only that it is purpose. It is powerful and it touches the soul. It makes you realize that you have the ability and determination to make dreams come true.
Now look, I am not a stupid man. I know the likely hood of me getting eaten or attacked by a shark, is less likely than getting stuck by lightening. This odds are like one in 15,000. I will be damned if they say it is 4 times more likely you will get a perfect score on you SAT than you will get struck by lightening. So, basically what I am saying is chances are slim and I know that. That doesn't make it any less terrifying for me every time I look at the Pacific. Look, I know that getting eaten by a shark isn't how my tale will. That tragedy though is a story for another day. I am however, going off on a tangent on being sharkbait thought aren't I? I will end with this tangent as follows. I was being wheeled into the operating room. The anesthesiologist is trying to take me to a save place so that she can easily get me to fall asleep. So, she asked me where my happy place was, and of course I answered with Anaeho'omalu Bay, in Kona. Greatest swim of my life. Not because of time or anything, but because of how fucking beautiful it was. So anyway she starts asking me about what I see when I swim there. I am telling her. Then someone either her or a nurse starts asking do you see fish. Do you see turtles. Do you Sharks? I answer very directly and firmly "No, no sharks, there are not such thing as sharks, they are a myth like unicorns and dragons." Then I am waking up in recovery. However, how do you get yourself in the ocean when you are afraid of sharks, you simply suspend believe and tell yourself they don't exist.
Words have power. Words can heal or hurt. They can bring you up or push you down. Not just words you hear from the people who are around you supporting you but more importantly the words you say to yourself. Those are probably the most important of all. So, we should celebrate when someone gives you such a wonderful honor and complement like the one above. You should learn from it, and take it to heart. You should add to your daily rotation of things to say to yourself to make you happy.
I believe in the power of words. These words I will keep with me. Just like when I write at the top of every to do list I do: I believe in myself. I am healthy and beautiful. Just like as I sit in the bath with the shower running over my head, I sit and repeat "I am healthy, I am happy, I am beautiful. I am healthy, I am happy, I am confident." I believe the words used to talk to ourselves define our reality. I know that being powerful, passionate, and ferocious like a great white shark will stick with me for a long time. Thanks Angela, you are awesome!
I know I will never look at Jaws the same again. Still scared of sharks thought, but they are a myth like unicorns and dragons... like unicorns and dragons.
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