The Dumbass Move of the Day: Holiday Edition, A Trip to the Urgent Care

10 days or so to Christmas and well on my way to my goal of 37,400 yards in the pool. Then you have a night like tonight. Maybe it’s fitting. Perhaps it’s Ka’s way of reminding me shit talking to one’s self and negative thinking is still putting bad vibes out there in the world and Ka will always make you it your dues.

I was rolling along. Feeling great about myself personally. Working hard on my recovery and health. Working out 7 days a week. Five of those in the pool. Things were rolling right along. Then I started to get angry.

I was angry at the people swimming near me because they were faster than me. I was angry because people are idiots on the road. I was angry that no one listens to me during the day and we are forced to relive the same bullshit over and over like ground hogs day.

So, Billy b being Billy b wouldn’t you know started talking shit. Like a truly passive aggressive midwesterner I didn’t say anything to anyone. It was all under my breath or in my head. Hard to talk in the pool.

I should have know things were going sour yesterday when I went into the garage to swap out my iPod Swim and well my iPod Swim was gone. That and my head phones no where to be found. So, of course I must have dropped them at the pool. No worries I am sure someone found them and turned them in. Also, I have two or three back ups iPod Swims so we are covered would have to break in new headphones but really that can’t be a big deal? Right?

However turns out no one found my Swim. Or if they did they didn’t turn them in. So, of course I’m assuming and having vision in my head of Jean Luc the guy who swims next to me on Tuesdays walking around with my iPod Swim and headphones on. Perhaps it is the bald guy who only goes to the gym to sit in the sauna and shower. Perhaps he is on the sauna right now listening to my STP, AC/DC, and yesterdays other favorite hits. So, under my breath I cursed these people. So maybe that old lady Karma is a real bitch and was out to get me for this. Or it could be the mad shot taking I’ve been doing lately during the day. Or it’s just not being grateful for how good things have been and how I can’t let a little announce get me down. I have to much good going to look at the bad. I don’t know what it was, but luck wasn’t on my side. I’m not even taking about when I was watching Hawkeye and the internet went out on me after I finally got home for the second time tonight. Hell now that I thing about it perhaps it is Ka and Karma lying me back for all the shit I talked about Brook Shields last night and her freakishly large hands and shoulders. I don’t know what it was but l got it paid back tonight.

So, before I leave for the pool I check to see if anyone had the lane before me. I like to go 20 minutes early or so and get started early so I can make sure I can finish my entire set. I get 55 minutes in the pool but I like to be sure.

Of course their was someone who had the audacity to book my lane the hour before. This poor person whomever they are were called everything from and asshat to a monkey fucker between my house and the pool. Why couldn’t they book another lane? Why mine. Don’t they know I like to get in early? There was the anger again.

Get to the pool and my lane is empty. Oh I was so excited. Luck was on my side. I was gonna get in. Do my laps and get out. I was so pumped up.

I get my locker. I get to the lane and I’m ready to go. I start my Apple Watch. I go over get my iPod and out it on my goggles. I push the new ear buds in. All is good. I put my swim cap on and I start.

I’m feeling pretty good. The first two hundred are going good. I get to the lane and take my rest. I press my earphones deeper into my ears and I pull down my cap. It’s time to sprint and I’m ready to sprint. I don’t want to sprint but I’m ready for it anyway. Twenty-five sprint down done. Twenty-five Sprint back abs I’m feeling it. Ok, I got this. It’s going. I press my ear phones in again and pull down my swim cap and I go again. I hit the wall, I’m feeling it. My cap is pulled up a little on the left. No, big deal. I pull it down and my ear bud pops out of my left ear. That is weird. I grab it to put it back in. As I grab it I catch it out of my eye abs the rubber end that serves as my ear protector and keeps my ear dry isn’t on there. It’s gone. I stick my finger in my ear and it’s not gone it’s just still in my ear canal. Well no big deal this big stupid dummy things he can reattach it while in my ear. That doesn’t work. I get annoyed my rest is over and I sprint back.

I grab my swim bag bc I always keep a pair of tweezers in my bag bc this isn’t the first time the ear phones have done this. No, I once got an ear plug stuck in my ear. So, I always have tweezers with me. They are always in my bag, except today. They were gone. I was angry mad. Time was up had to sprint again. So I did. Try to stick my finger in my ear again and loosen it up. Not working it’s going deeper in you dummy and it’s starting to hurt.

I finish my sprints. Telling myself I have the tweezers at home. Just keep calm and swim on. This worked for the next 500 yards or so but when I hit 1000 my ear just hurt. I was starting to not keep calm. I just needed to get home and get the tweezers and get this plastic thing out of my ear.

Of course I know exactly where my tweezers are. They are in the pen Google case I don’t use anymore on my swim shelf. I just have to get home and grab them. I also swear to all the gods that will listen that I’ll buy two new pots of tweezers to keep in the car.

The only issue is when I got home. The tweezers I’d used the last 4 times this happened where no were to be found. I looked every where. Ka?! Is this your handy work? Karma?!

No matter there is a pair in my man grooming kit. I bought a man grooming kit a few Xmas’s ago. This is a nail grooming kit. So don’t think it’s anything else. However if I had a grooming kit and needed tweezers with it that be a hole other issue. Anywho…. I get the tweezers out but these tweezers aren’t up tot he task. No the piece of rubber is now further down my ear canal. I can’t even feel it with my finger anymore.

I call and get Kona a ride home. Then I get into the car abs much to my distress and dismay I head to the Urgent Care. Feeling about as stupid as one can feel. Knowing this is just my Ka and bad luck. Wondering what I did so wrong to end up with this thing lodged into my ear.

The people at urgent care were great. There was really no wait. I will admit I got nervous when they put a bracelet on me like I was checking into the hospital. However, that’s just there way I guess.

Daniella took me back. I asked her how she was and she said probably a lot bette me than me. They took my BP and it was 117/70 that is fucking stellar. I have to admit I was really proud. Everything else vital wise was good.

I told them my tale. The one above you just read. Minus all the Ka and Karma stuff. New headphones. Me trying to dig it out. Etc etc etc…

The doctor came in, nice guy. Really l, although when he introduced himself as Doctor so and so and then told me he was Ok I actually got a little nervous. Why did he tell me he was ok. Fishy was my luck going to get worse again. I thought so especially when he said “these things are tricky it’s usually harder to get out than you’d think.” I just closed my eyes and was like fuck it let’s do it.

A few seconds later I had a clear ear and it felt so good. I thank the doctor. He said he needed to check the ear again and make sure nothing else was in it or wrong. He said he doubted it but with the kids they get in there with stuff in there ears their is usually more than meets the eye or what they are told.

The ear was good. The nurse did tell me that I’m on pool probation for 48 hours. Well it really probation but I can’t submerge the ear for 48 hours or stick anything in it. I said ok. I’m happy with that and then she handed me a little medical baggy with my rubber ear piece in it. I felt like a horses ass.

I came home grateful and hugged my dog. I forgave myself for only getting 1,000 yards in and realized with missing two swims I’m gonna have to revise my goal for the month and that’s ok. No more getting mad and talking shit. I still got a workout in today. I’ve asked Clayton does he want to workout tomorrow. If not I’ll walk. Life goes on. I do Dumbass things and keep on rocking on. I’ll swim what I swim this month. I’ll be grateful for everything I do and I’ll be very careful with my ears.