Ouch!!!

Ouch!!!

I’m not one to man scape. When your my size there is just no reason for it. Hell to take it one step farther I have shaved in ten years give or take a few triathlon looks. Well tomorrow I have to go in for a Zio Patch. It is going to basically watch my heart for the next two weeks. So they basically stick this thing on your chest and while you can shower you can’t swim. The bigger issue is that the patch won’t stick to body hair.


I’m not a full blow ape, I’m certainly not one of those dudes that has a full grown bush coming out of the top. However I do ha e chest hair. So, the last time I had the patch they dry shaved my chest. It was awful. Look there is no medical professional I love more than Sweet Sweet Stephanie, Dr Lai’s nurse, but no matter how beautiful you are and no matter how much I’d totally marry you tomorrow, you dry shave my chest, and I’m not gonna like it. Not only did it hurt like fuck, as it grew back it was awful, but worse than that the patch didn’t really stick. I was retapping it down every day. Hell some mornings it would just be lying on the bed next to me.


So I had this brilliant idea when they told me that they needed to do it again. I’d shave my chest myself. So, since I’m getting the patch tomorrow I decided today would be the day. I mean let’s be honest I’m getting up early Monday morning and shaving my chest. It’s not gonna happen. Well if Sweet Sweet Stephanie was going to take me on a date and she said it was the key to her heart, well maybe, but that’s a lot of work for a Monday. So I got my beard trimmer out and I man scrapped my chest for the first time in 44 years. It sucked. I cut myself repeatedly. So I have heat and blood every where and then to make it worse it didn’t get really close. Damn it man if I’m going to shave my chest I’m gonna get a close shave. So I got out my Gillette razor. I showered first then covered my chest with conditioner. I have no shaving cream, I don’t shave, not in ten years. So, then I went to work. I thinking I went over my chest twenty times. However, I wasn’t really gentle. So while my chest currently feels smooth as a baby’s butt, I feel the razor burn coming on the horizon. I have a feeling I might have done more harm than good. My gut tells me my chest is going to looking like a teen age boys face that is eaten to much chocolate and pizza while playing freshman football, covered in red bumps. Certainly won’t be winning my way to Stephanie heart thru my chest. Anyway, shaving my chest, is like, like ouch!!!

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